it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
