i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
