i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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