Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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