that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
