Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
