woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
