A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
