Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
