It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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