How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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