She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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