I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
