butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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