I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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