girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
high people should be assigned attendants
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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