just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My vagina is officially offended.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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