We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
