At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's blow job season.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
