sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
