can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
