He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
