The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize