you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
