There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
