dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
