Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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