I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
