Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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