party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
