onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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