either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
