turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
