I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
