sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
