hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
