Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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