i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
