I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
