Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
