Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
