ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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