Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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