my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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