I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love you. Go after that dick
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