The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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