I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
