Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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