Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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