Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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