im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
