tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
