my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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