Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
