The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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