And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
