And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
