I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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