I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
