It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
