Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
