have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
