i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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