Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
