When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
