how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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