He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
