How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We're too hungover to prance.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
